You know there’s a saying that goes a little something like “you should never take advice from someone who doesn’t have to live with the consequences” and this is never more true than when you get relationship advice from friends, sometimes without even asking for it!
Sometimes a friend just needs a sounding board to get stuff off their chest and they don’t actually want advice but us gals are so compelled to give it anyway often resulting in turning what at first seemed like a trivial issue into a dump-able offence!
So picture the scene; It’s Friday night and you’re sitting round a table with your coven enjoying a few well earned glasses of vino after a hard week’s grafting. The usual topics will be covered – shopping, celebrity gossip, local gossip and of course – boys! There’s usually a mixed dynamic in the group with some of you in a long term relationship, others who seem destined to be eternally single and those of you who are somewhere in limbo. The ones in limbo are most at risk of being bombarded with unwanted advice because you have not yet put a label on what the status is with you and that lad you’ve been seeing, or because you’ve not yet had “the chat!”
So it will start with someone asking you what the story is and then BOOM – it’s Spanish Inquisition time! When did you last hear from him? How often does he text you? What kind of things does he say on his messages? Has he mentioned anything about seeing other people? Do you know if he’s seeing other people? Has he given you any indication that he wants to take things further? When are you seeing him again? ….etc……etc…..etc!!!!!!
Before you know it there are nine pairs of eyes on you and you feel like you’re under the spotlight on the big black leather chair on mastermind, specialist subject – discomfort! Everyone gives their two cents worth and before you know it you’re left wondering why you ever gave this chap the time of day when he’s obviously such a b***ard!
But has he actually done anything wrong? Or has he just failed to live up to the high expectations set by your friends because he doesn’t text you every five minutes or asked you to be his girlfriend after two months. And do any of them actually know him well enough to be able to give an opinion on his character? It’s also highly unlikely that they followed their own advice at the start of their own relationships!
It’s really okay if he doesn’t text you every day or want to take things seriously after a couple of months. It doesn’t mean that he’s not good for you or that he doesn’t like you. It’s a marathon – not a sprint! And it doesn’t benefit anyone to rush into things so if you like him, get on well with him and you enjoy spending time together then just go with the flow and see where it takes you – the worst that can happen is that it doesn’t work out! Or maybe the worst that can happen would be that he takes you away for the weekend to a log cabin where he bounds and gags you, subjects you to torture then kills and eats you! Suddenly it not actually working out in the end doesn’t sound so bad does it?!
There’s also a big difference between fact and hearsay so even if anyone knows him and are privvy to some item of gossip they heard about him try to remember that it is just that and give him the benefit of doubt unless there are any facts to support it! There’s a reason why hearsay doesn’t stand up in court and there are often many versions of the one story!
If however there are facts to support it then appreciate your friends for telling you. If they say they’ve seen him at mass with the wife and kids that he didn’t tell you about then take their word for it and don’t shoot the messenger! Evil twins only exist in cheesy American soap operas!
So while it’s good to talk to friends don’t make your decisions based on what they say they would do in your situation when they’re not the ones in it! Follow your own instincts, stay positive and hope for the best!
Bronagh x
picture source wordpress.com
