There’s a reason why people used to wait until they got married before they co-habited and it’s not so they couldn’t be getting up to any pre-marital naughtiness as we would be led to believe! In a country with no divorce and where contraception was illegal there was no way out once you were over that threshold and by the time you realised what you’d gotten yourself into it was too late! You had pretty much signed a contract for life that was more difficult to get out of than the mafia!
The biggest shock for women, particularly those with no brothers, was that your boyfriend had now been replaced by an adult-sized child who called himself your husband and expected you to cook and clean for him now you were his woman indoors! If you had been one of the exceptional few women who had been brave enough to get a job, some occupations required that you leave once you were married. (This is a fact! – female Civil Servants had to retire once married up until the mid seventies when a bill was passed to abolish this!) Fortunately, most men are pretty self-sufficient these days and some would even put a lot of their female counterparts to shame. But there are still a number of Mammy’s boys who walk amongst us undetected, waiting to find a nice homely girl to give his Mammy a break! They can be hard to spot sometimes but here’s a few handy hints and tips that might help give them away!
#1 – White sports socks (with stripes at the top).
This is a sure sign that his Mammy still buys his socks for him. This also means that she also buys his jocks, jeans, shirts, shoes and possibly still gives him a bath every Saturday night before bedtime.
#2 – Brute/old spice aftershave.
If his aftershave smells like something your Dad or Grandad would wear it’s probably because they do. His Mammy probably bought it for him for a birthday or Christmas present.
#3 – You go out for dinner and he is unfamiliar with any of the “exotic” items on the menu like pasta/rice dishes and is of the opinion that a dinner is not a dinner unless it contains spuds! He’ll also ask for a pint of milk to go with his dinner.
#4 – He thinks Ted Baker is an actual baker and Abercrombie & Fitch are a comedy duo.
#5 – The Christmas jumper! …..no self-respecting, self-sufficient man would wear one of these! Think heavy knits with snowflakes/reindeer/snowmen etc…lovingly knitted into the pattern and you have your classic example of the Christmas jumper.
Of course, this list is only a snapshot and there are many many more traits of the Mammy’s boy that are mostly undetectable until they’ve actually infiltrated your camp and are living under your roof. Luckily, co-habiting is no longer frowned upon, divorce is now legal and women hold some of the most high powered jobs in our country. We did have more than one female president after all and the state pathologist is also female – how times have changed!
So if you do find yourself burdened with a Mammy’s boy get rid quick because she’s never going to cut that umbilical chord and will be the mother in law from hell because you will never be good enough for her little boy! Don’t feel guilty about dumping him. His Mammy will look after him and will enjoy doing so. After all it’s her reluctance to let go that has this grown man incapable of making a cup of tea for himself! Whatever you do don’t wait until that awkward moment when you meet his parents and he asks for bitty!!